The 'H' in Hornets stands for . . . Halo?

After spending the past few days wasting hours of my life playing Halo 3 - I figured it was about time I married my two current hobbies together into a Halo-Hornets Extravaganza. So, in this post I will be cleverly equating things in the Halo Universe to things in the Hornets Teamiverse.(see? Clever, right? No? Bah.) I'll stick to those things I pretend to know something about though - so you won't see Melvin Ely or Morris Peterson on this list. Maybe next year.

Peja Stojakovic, SF: Alien Sniper Rifle
Like Peja, the Alien Sniper Rifle is deadly from distance, but unfortunately, also like Peja, if fired too quickly it locks up and becomes temporarily useless, leaving you in serious trouble.

Bobby Jacskon, SG: Flamethrower
The new Flamethrower in Halo 3 is a great weapon - it's flashy and gives quite a thrill when used to torch your opponents. Bobby, when his game is on, is exciting as hell, driving and scoring and dropping threes off the dribble. But the flamethrower(and Bobby) has a problem. It's so much fun to fire that that you'll start ignoring any teammates around you in an orgy of flame and destruction - but the spread on the weapon is remarkable, and suddenly you'll realize you've been setting your own team on fire as well. Okay, maybe Bobby doesn't set them on fire. But he DOES ignore them sometimes.

Tyson Chandler, C: Warthog
Chandler is the perfect comparison to the ubiquitous Warthog of Halo. Chandler will rebound, defend, and patrol the paint, but he isn't going to provide a lot of offense without help. The Warthog will patrol the field, drawing fire, and splattering a guy here and there, but unless you get another person in the turret, you aren't going to do a lot of damage. For both Chandler and the Warthog, it's got to be a two man game, but both will clean up with an accomplished wingman.

Chris Paul, PG: Battle Rifle
The favorite weapon of most Halo players, it and Chris Paul have a lot in common. Both can wreak havoc from near, far, and anywhere in between, are slow to run out of ammunition, and when zoomed in, can finish an opponent in short order. Fittingly, both the Rifle and Chris Paul register a lot of assists during a match.

David West, PF: Magnum Pistol
Just like David West is on the Hornets, the Magnum is the overlooked weapon in Halo. While neither of them are going to win by themselves, they can both fire rapidly and drop an opponent in seconds if combined with any other weapon.

Jannero Pargo, G: Needler
The needler will unleash a rapid-fire burst of needles at your opponent. Usually, the needles miss a lot and using the gun exposes you to your enemies counter fire more than you want. But man, when on target, the needler will destroy the competition. Pargo = Needler.

Hilton Armstrong and Cedric Simmons, PF/C: Spike Gun
The spike guns are new to Halo 3, and using a pair feels and looks real impressive - but I still don't know how effective they actually are. Hilton and Cedric are the same thing. They've got impressive athleticism, but how effective will they actually be?

Julian Wright, F: Sticky Grenade
Based on anecdotal evidence and his college stats, it's generally accepted that Julian Wright can be and will be an amazing defender. Hopefully, like the sticky grenade, we'll just attach him to an opponent and watch as they get destroyed.

Rasual Butler, SF: Rocket Launcher
The Rocket Launcher is arguably the most effective killer in the game - destroying pretty much anything and everything when on target. The problem is, it runs out of ammo really fast - and getting reloads can take a long time - so it's usually abandoned once empty. Butler is much the same way - when he's on his hot streak, he's an incredible weapon, but his LOOOONG cold stretches can really hurt - making him get banished to the end of the bench.

Marcus Vinicius, F: Mongoose
So far Vinicius is exactly like the new Mongoose introduced in Halo 3. A swift ATV, it zooms back and forth over the field, but it has no built in weapons, it's hard to do any damage with it, and you can't really figure out what's the point in even having it.

Adam Haluska, SG: The Marines/Covenant Grunts
Adam was introduced to Hornets Fans as someone Byron Scott is going to love having in practice. So the Marines and Covenant Grunts are a perfect analogy - they serve as fodder for the big boys.

Jeff Bower, General Manager: Sergeant Johnson
Jeff has quietly done a wonderful job with the Hornets - rebuilding the team, putting it in a position where it can win, and supplying it with weapons whenever needed. That is exactly what Sergeant Johnson does for Master Chief in the Halo games. The sergeant also claims to know what the ladies like, but I can't confirm or deny rumors that Bower can get his sexy on too.

Byron Scott, Coach: Lord Terrance Hood
Lord Terrance Hood is dignified, looks sharp on the sidelines, and always has an opinion on everything, but when the battle is in full swing, you're never really sure if Hood is making the right decision. Despite the uncertainty, you still have to back the guy because he always wins despite playing with only half a deck. That's pretty much Byron Scott in a nutshell.

George Shinn, Owner: Gravemind
The Gravemind of Halo is the creature that(fittingly for this analogy) presides over the deadly Swarm. He likes to stick his tentacles into everything, sometimes helping, sometimes hindering, but always there, looming in the background. The Gravemind also looks like a cross between a Venus Fly Trap and a rotting hunk of meat, and George Shinn appears to be human, but hey, none of these analogies are perfect.